How to speak (West) Australian

This is not the same English language that I learned in America (or should I say “learnt”). It can also get confusing because there are so many POMs or Pommies here (British – ya know, Prisoners of her Majesty) and they speak British English. I speak American English (Yank English). Aussies speak…..something else altogether, but more similar to Pommie English. Also there are many regional differences (I'm told); just like America, where north / south / east / west / city / country all have their own ways of speaking. The first basic rule is to shorten everything and put an “ie” or “y” at the end.

The basics:

·         H is hay-ch – hard to spell out my name!

·         Z is zed

·         Replace z with s (organisation)

·         Sometimes replace i with y (tyre)

·         Reverse r and e (centre, theatre)

·         Replace o with ou (behaviour)

·         Sch say like sh (schedule = shedule (no k sound in there))

People

·         Bloke = guy

·         Mate = friend

·         Mum = mom

·         Nanny or nana = grandma

·         Poppy or pop = grandpa

·         Bub = baby

Clothing

·         Pram = stroller

·         Nappy = diaper

·         Dummy = pacifier

·         Bathers = swimsuit * however there are regional differences – on the east coast they would call a swimsuit “swimmers” or “togs”

·         Boardies = board shorts

·         Jumper = sweater

·         Jumper (in sports) = jersey / uniform

·         Purse = wallet

·         Bag = purse

·         Mobile = cell phone

·         Thongs = flip flops

·         Jocks = men’s underwear

·         Knickers = women’s underwear

·         Frock = dress

·         Fringe = bangs

·         Fancy Dress Party = costume or dress up party (pretty common actually! They might base it on a letter, like you have to dress as something that starts with A (angel, apple, etc)

·         GHD = good hair day which is a hair straightener

Food

·         Tea = dinner

·         Brekky = breakfast

·         Morning or afternoon tea = snack

·         Lollies = candy of any kind

·         Long black = coffee

·         Short balck = espresso

·         Flat white = latte (coffee in general is way different here. There is no “drip coffee” like Americans drink to be found anywhere. It is also VERY expensive.)

·         Biscuit = cookie or cracker

·         Nibbles or nibblies = snacks

·         Eskie = cooler

·         Chips = fries (like French fries)

·         Capsicum = red bell peppers

·         Bottle Shop or Bottlo = liquor store (drinking age is 18 here!)

·         Champers = champagne

·         Shout = to buy a round of drinks

·         Maccas = McDonalds

·         Hungry Jacks or HJs = Burger King

Travel and other misc stuff

·         Bush = the country

·         Lift = elevator

·         Toilet = bathroom / restroom. It is commonly asked where the toilet is, which may be found inappropriate by Americans.

·         Car park = parking lot

·         Footpath = sidewalk

·         Petrol = gas (for a car)

·         Trolly = shopping cart

·         Boot = trunk (of the car)

·         Rubbish = trash

·         Rubbish bin or just bin = trash can

·         Holiday = vacation

·         Annual leave = vacation (in terms of taking days off work)

·         Superannuation = similar to 401k or retirement (referred to as “super”)

·         Surname = last name

·         Cyclone = hurricane

·         Hire = rent (as in “Hire a car”)

·         Jetty = pier / dock

·         Telly = TV

·         Footy = football

·         Pressy = present

·         Chrissy = Christmas

·         Barbie = bar-b-que

·         Mossy = mosquito

Greetings and other phrases

·         Ta = thank you

·         Cheers = thank you or good-bye or used when signing off on an email

·         Good on ya = good for you

·         No worries and no drama = no problem, not a big deal

·         Arvo = afternoon

·         Tomoz = tomorrow

·         Can’t be bothered = I don’t feel like it

·         Keen = want to, would like to (as in “are you keen for a concert on Friday?”)

Then there's the very common usage of words like brilliant, lovely, gorgeous, or you beauty (pronounced as youuuu beeuuuty!).

Adult stuff

·         Bloody (insert swear word of choice)

·         Pissed = drunk

·         Sunday session or “Sunday sesh” = Sunday Funday (drinking at the pub on a Sunday afternoon)

·         Bum = butt

·         Fanny = vagina (so NEVER say “fanny pack”, instead say “bum bag”….not that I’d ever have to worry about saying fanny pack.)

Also something unintentionally funny would be: Rubber = eraser (like on a pencil). If erasing something, one would say “rub it out” which a (young, silly) American may find hilarious.

School

Uni = college. In fact, college would generally refer to high school here (Trinity College is a boys prep school). High school is generally referred to in years – “year 12” would be senior year in high school. So when I say "I went to college at...." it doesn't mean the same thing. I should always say "uni" but it just sounds funny to me.

Well that's all I can think of right now! Needless to say, it's been fun (and funny). One night I was having a hard time and a friend pointed out that at least I didn't have to learn another language. I would argue that point, at least a little!

Why? Because I'm Perth it.

Why did I want to do this? What brings me here? I wish I would’ve prepared my “elevator speech” in response to this question instead of my typical MBA introduction. Every time I was asked this dreaded question, I stumbled my way through it instead of having something eloquent prepared. How to explain it? Without getting super personal too soon? There are ONLY about a thousand reasons. Here are my top ten, and why they don’t work. I made a table for your reading pleasure – I am a consultant, after all.

Reason	Why It Doesn’t Work
Working internationally is something I’ve always wanted to do	Sounds insincere and like something a sorority girl says
After certain mistakes in my life, now I grab every chance that comes along to make myself happy	Prompts questions, too personal, may sound selfish and like I’ve recently been on Doctor Phil
I’m single and childless; this is the time to do it!	Sounds somewhat (back-handedly) desperate
I needed a change	Sounds like I need a self-help guru / book / therapist
I wasn’t satisfied professionally	Sounds like I should’ve left the firm
I want more work / life balance	Sounds lazy and that I don’t think Aussies work as much as Americans
I would like to enjoy some warmer weather	Move to CA or something, dude
Perth’s economy is booming and there’s a lot of good projects for us	Sounds like I’m cashing in on others’  hard work / good fortune / better foresight
It was a great opportunity to expand my business network, skills, client base, and breadth of industries I work in	Sounds like a crazy robot kool-aid drinking consultant
I want to marry an Australian (or at least not an American)	Sounds…..true (kidding! Or am I?)

I hope that was amusing for you. On a more serious note, it is very hard to explain why I’m here. I will admit that I’ve already asked myself a million times why I’m doing this. It is not easy. So far I’ve had feelings of euphoria partnered with extreme loneliness within seconds of each other. My co-workers may be starting to think I’m manic-depressive. Self-reflection and exploration shouldn’t be easy if you want to learn anything from it. It’s funny how this experience has brought up some old insecurities and self-conscious feelings I thought were long gone (and that I was too old to worry about).

The funny thing is, I’ve only been here for 2 months. I’ve gone much longer periods without seeing family, being too busy at work to really see friends or heaven forbid try to have a relationship. The lifestyle I led in Chicago (working a lot, being on the road a decent amount, being without family) could be quite isolated when I let it. (Key phrase: when I let it.) Here, I think it’s something to do with the finality of knowing it will be a REALLY long time. And let’s be honest (hope my mum doesn’t read this)…it’s probably unlikely I’ll be going back in two years, or even four years. I don’t really have an exit strategy, or even know if I want one yet. So here’s the famous loneliness question - what is life without people to share it with? This idea is explored in some great movies like “Into the Wild” and “Up in the Air.” When I am feeling my normal happy self, I like to think that I am just expanding my circle around the whole world, so I have LOTS of people to share it with! Who knows who I will meet or where this life will take me? There, that sounds more like me.

So far I have met AWESOME people here, and will continue to do so. I can’t believe how lucky I am sometimes, the people at work are amazing and welcoming – they’ve really become my extended family and take care of meJ.  I’ve met some great friends outside work too. Although this decision may seem completely out of the realm of possibility for many people (the ones who think I am crazy), it is actually a pretty common thing. Particularly people in business, and especially non-Americans. Most of my friends in Chicago didn’t think a thing of the decision. It all is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose.

So maybe I don’t need to rattle off such a long list of reasons I’m here. The only reasons I need aren’t explainable. Mostly…..just because I wanted to, and because I can. Which is pretty cool.